I was thinking today, and decided to try and put some words on paper. (I know, yikes, right?) It's been awhile, but here we go... please bear with my sometimes jumbled thoughts.

If you know me at all, you know I'm a huge reader. I LOVE to read. I'll read just about anything I can get my hands on, and fast. With that being said, I've been searching for some answers to questions that have come up in my life in the last couple of years. Questions that burden me, wear on me, frustrate me, anger me, etc. But here is what I'm finding. No book that I've read, no matter how amazingly written, no matter how wonderful the author is, has been able to give me the solid answers I'm looking for.

So here's my question. Where do you go for answers to life's questions? To a friend? To a book? To the internet? Now before you misunderstand, books and the rest are a great wealth of information. But if I seek to know God, if I seek to truly know him, and have a relationship with him; if I seek to line up my life with his word, why then do I go anywhere else, but to Him?

"Don't be burdened with the needless weight of anxiety about the future... Refuse to fret about things which we have no control over. Rejoice in God's sustaining grace--- one day at a time. Matthew 6:34

What do you hear echo when you read those verses? May I share what I hear? Listen closely. "The needless weight of anxiety" burdens my future. I am naturally an anxious person. I am (yes, I admit it) a major control freak. But my future is burdened by my anxious heart! Something else. It says to REFUSE to fret. Refuse. Not, "don't think about it too much", not "maybe you shouldn't". It says to refuse to fret about things which we have no control over. It's a specific directive. Those things I fear, those things I worry over; those are the very things he insists I trust him with. And this last thing, I did hear from a friend today, though in a different way, spoken over my heart very clearly. It says "rejoice in God's sustaining grace" It does not say "hope for"; it doesn't say "wish for". It doesn't even say "ask for". It says to rejoice... as if it already is.

What does that mean in your life? Does that touch something inside you? Do you recognize yourself in me, and my tendancy to skip over the details?  Here is where I find myself. I find myself trying not to fret. And I fail, over, and over and over again. I can't do it by myself! He's not surprised by the things I do, or the way I feel about them. His heart aches right along with mine, at the frustration I feel inside of myself. He cries with me, and laughs with me and touches my spirit, when I didn't think anything could. And yes. He touches me through books, and the words to a song, and more than ever through the words of other people. The lesson I am learning, though, is to seek him first. To write his words on my heart. To ease my anxious heart through his calming peace. To REJOICE in his sustaining grace, so that I can literally be held up by his hands and not my own. My arms are weak and tired. I have nothing left of myself.

May I ask a favor of you? Will you be willing to refuse to fret about those things in your life that you truly have no control over? Whether it's your kids, or your financial situation, or your marriage? I'm not speaking from a lofty place, trust me. I'm in the hole with you. Will you do it with me? Will you seek his face in every moment of your day? Including the crazy homeschool moments, sitting down for lunch or dinner. Cleaning up the kitchen at the end of the night? Will you encourage me, and I'll do my best to do the same for you?

Here is my heart. I hope you hear it clearly, and not misunderstand. I'm so, so thankful for each and every person in my life. I'm no more blessed than before. I just think I'm learning to be watching for those blessing a little closer.

Be blessed this weekend. Be encouraged. Seek His face first.

Jen